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How do you handle change? Do you fear it, resist it, welcome it, or deny it? How you react towards change often depends on
whether you initiate it or feel subject to its control. When change occurs abruptly, it may be a final wake up call to an already existing situation. One that has long been in need of an overhaul.
Regardless of whether you feel the victim of change or the initiator, the process of change happens slowly and subtly over
time. I like to use the metaphor of a garden. When you plant a seed in the earth, it usually takes a period of time, sometimes weeks, before any visible evidence presents itself. This does not mean that growth is
not occurring. Just because no visible signs are apparent does not indicate the absence of development. So it is with the process of change. As nature teaches us, you need to cultivate patience, especially when
experiencing times of transition.
The need for patience can present a challenge to many of us who are affected by the instantaneous demands of contemporary
society. Living in a time of faxes and fast foods does not encourage this virtue. Yet patience is an important requisite for allowing change to take an effective course. I remember a client of mine who had
difficulty being patient with her changes. She had been in counseling for three weeks and thought there may be something wrong since she did not see any changes. I recounted the metaphor of the garden to her, after
which she admitted to digging up a plant just for that very reason. It was taking too long and she wanted to make sure it was growing. So she dug it up only to find that it was sprouting in the earth.
One reason for people's impatience comes from the anxiety of facing the unknown. Change demands risk as well as a certain
amount of faith and courage. The familiar may be painful and uncomfortable but at least we know what to expect. Also people tend to harbor unrealistic expectations of the process. They may feel overwhelmed by the
task ahead of them. It is, therefore, important to realize that change consists of a series of small steps. The more you acknowledge each step the more you will feel encouraged to venture forth. Unfortunately,
people tend to disregard the small, simple accomplishments in life. They do not understand the significance of each action taken.
The following story demonstrates how one of my clients eased the process of change by taking small steps that supported
some of her needs.
Karen had been remarried seven months when she enlisted my services. She and her husband were trying to merge two families
under one roof, a challenging task for anyone. Already she and her husband were experiencing relationship problems. Furthermore, her husband didn't get along with his stepson and she had difficulty communicating
with her stepdaughters. One thing that particularly bothered Karen was that she didn't feel comfortable in her own home. She felt like an outsider. Eventually she learned to take small risks. She cleared away an
area and created a space for herself. She played her favorite music. She let herself relax one afternoon instead of jumping up to see if she could tend to her husband when he came home. She began to feel more
relaxed and at ease. The response from the other family members was positive. Suddenly she began to feel more at home.
As you can see from Karen's example, small steps can accomplish significant results. If you would like to
create a positive change in your life, begin by asking yourself the following. "What small step can I take right now that would help to enhance my life" Then do it. Each time you take a step see it as an
accomplishment. Acknowledge each accomplishment as a success. Then build on your successes by looking back on what you have already achieved. Realize that if you did it then, you can do it now. This will not only
help you ease the process of change but will encourage you to move forward with confidence as well.
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